Why is this two week wait different from all other two week waits?

Monday and Tuesday were the insemination days for our third IUI cycle. After three IUI cycles, chances of success drop dramatically.  Our options will narrow to IVF, adoption, or living without kids.

The last choice is the cheapest, of course. We could count the averted costs as new income and take a guided trek through the Tsum Valley of Nepal. But why stop there? We could also calculate the costs of child care, braces, and college tuition. That would amount to a ton of great vacations.

The last two cycles I was optimistic. I pretended I wasn’t, but I was. I gleefully googled every bodily sensation and determined that my stubbed toe and chapped lips were proof of pregnancy.

This time, when I say I’m pessimistic, I’m not pretending. Rather, I’m convinced that I have undiagnosed problems beyond PCOS. Here’s my list:

First, my eggs are deformed, resembling chewed wads of gum rather than bouncy balls.  This will be discovered during IVF, after we have handed over the $8,000 that should’ve funded the Himalayan trek.

Second, my endometrial lining is not getting proper blood supply. This might never be diagnosed, but if it is, the cause will be unknown. Doctors will claim that its related to an unnaturally acidic uterine environment, but they will be grasping at straws.

Third, there are microscopic filaments in my fallopian tubes that are snagging the deformed eggs as they lumber towards my inhospitable uterus. These filaments were too small to be visible on the hysterosalpingogram, but they are numerous enough to confuse my unintelligent eggs.

Happily, these problems absolve me of guilt for worrying about the things I should’ve done differently, such as

-carelessly stowing the sample in my cluttered bag so the poor sperm bumped into the sides of the cup and knocked themselves out

-drinking half a bloody mary on the night in between the last two inseminations (not sure what impact this could have, but why not worry about it?)

-failing to insist on a third day of insemination rather than settling for two (two is the practice with my clinic)

This two week wait, instead of googling pregnancy symptoms, I’m going to invent new problems.  If nothing else, it’s a good creative exercise.


4 Responses to “Why is this two week wait different from all other two week waits?”

  1. I am also convinced that this IVF cycle will reveal the true cause for my infertility.

    However, I hope that this cycle works and you never have to go there, and that you can blow that $8,000 on communing with some monks on a cloud-topped hillside.

  2. The “last shot” of any cycle/attempt is always difficult to deal with. If this IUI doesn’t work (and I hope it does work!) then you’re faced with some big decisions. You’ll know what you really want to do and I’m sure you’ll make the right call in the end, what ever it may be.

    Here’s one to add to your list of crazy problems: You should have stayed laying there with your legs up at the RE’s office for an hour instead of 20 mins. 😉 I’ll think of more.

  3. Those 2ww’s are never easy. Never. Every each of them took a little piece of me with them. If it was the first IUI, if it was the second (bc it majorly sucked for the second time, we failed AGAIN) or if it was ‘the last’ try.
    Well, for us, IUI#5 was a BFP.
    Sending you some cheer-up 1ww vibes!

    I am hoping you will get to spend the 8k on a Babymoon vacation rather than on IVF;) I am routing for your cycle.
    Thanks for visiting my blog! thanks for the encouragment!

  4. Stay sane! I’m really sending all my prayers for this round to be the ONE. If IVF ends up being the route, think of that 8K as a down payment on retirement – the kid being that. Seriously though, whatever happens, you’re going to be alright.

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