What do you do when you’re waiting with your pants off?

When I  started going to the RE, I used to steal little handfuls of individually wrapped anti-bacterial wipes and unlubricated condoms, which they put on the ultrasound wand, from the examination room.  I got a thrill from imagining that Dr. Stein would walk in on me, naked from waist down, stuffing the little packets into my bag.

Or I would imagine that it would come up during staff meetings.

“Why are we using so many unlubricated condoms?!” Dr. Stein would demand, pounding his fist on the table.

After a while this lost its sense of transgressive satisfaction and I had more condoms than I knew what to do with.

Mostly now I just take my place on the table and read. Sometimes I am tempted to press the buttons on the ultrasound machine and play with the wand. But I am too chicken for this.

A friend lent me a book, The Pharmacists Mate, in which the main character does something similar:

…I write the following stuff down. That it is GE model 10 G 10 400     MD. That its System ID number is 212746LOGIc4. That there is a 1-800-GE number on it. That next to the plastic wand is a plastic bottle like the kind you see filled with ketchup at a diner. That the bottle says “Graham-Field Ultrasound Transmission Gel.”

…And when I got [home] I called the number on the ultrasound. And a woman with a southern accent answered and said “GE We Care, can I have your System ID number?”

So I told her the other number…[and] I told her I wanted to know more about how the sonar works on the ultrasound.

And she said I’d have to talk to the service engineer. And so she transferred me to his extension and when he answered I asked him why you have to have a condom full of jelly on the wand when you do the ultrasound. And he said “because the sound waves have to have a medium to go through,” and then he told me to go to the library.

So there you have it folks: that blue gel is the medium for the sound waves to go through.

For those of you who have been wondering, the two week wait ended last weekend as expected. We are getting ready to take the plunge into IVF. Our consultation with Stein on Wednesday led us to believe that the status of the state IVF grant is very uncertain and not worth waiting for. Maybe I will start selling anti-bacterial hand wipes and unlubricated condoms on the side.


7 Responses to “What do you do when you’re waiting with your pants off?”

  1. I’ve always been tempted to press those buttons as well. DH had a silly joke going about the meaning of each letter on our u/s machine — K-agina; W-agina; P-agina. Gotta pass the time somehow right?

  2. I am so sorry that you got another negative.

    Do you know that, back in the day, patients had to be submerged in a water bath for their ultrasounds? It was only later that they discovered that a water-based gel was just as good as conducting the waves from the wand to the skin.

  3. onefifthfox Says:

    What are you like?! Thank goodness you weren’t left alone in an operating theatre…LOL! Loved the story – I’d buy your unlubricated condoms! 🙂

  4. lol…this reminds me of a time when I was rushed to the hospital with ovarian pain before I was married and I was still a single gal. A good friend came to wait with me while I was waiting for the doctors. She came into the ultrasound room with me and stuff a handful of the condoms in her purse.

    One in particular she wrote in sharpie “Probe Cover” on the outside of the packaging. That probe cover got passed back and forth between us for a few years, Shoved into purses, pockets, wallets. They would always seem to appear at the worst times.

    The final time it was passed, she put it into the card she gave me for our wedding, and it fell out on my lap in front of all my relatives at my gift opening party.

    Happy ICLW

  5. The Barreness Says:

    I don’t think I have the balls to steal something from the scan room (in fact I know I don’t – isn’t that the point of the dildocam?!). I have enough trouble even feeling like I should be allowed in there – as if I should be checking my uterus in for a service check like a car while I go off and have a coffee while I wait. Interesting post though, hadn’t thought much about how different religions would approach AC. ICLW

  6. lmao at Sarah’s comment ^^

    I’ve been caught reaching over the ultrasound machine about to press buttons. I had to pretend I saw a spider 😉

  7. Hilarious!! I used to spend the time counting all the spots on the ceiling tiles and finding patterns in them….i am a wierdo. lol!

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