Cleaning month

Last night at a restaurant I was seated next to a couple I’ve seen in Dr. Stein’s office. The woman is small and androgynous with short spiky hair. The man has a pointy goatee and glasses. They showed no signs of recognizing me.

For a few minutes I sat next to them in silence. I was waiting for a high school friend who I’d not seen in over two years. I was preparing to congratulate my friend on her pregnancy. I had no evidence that she was pregnant, but it seemed like a safe assumption.

While I was waiting, I tried to determine the nature of the couple’s conversation. But my deaf ear was facing them and I sat too close to attempt to read their lips unobtrusively. They seemed quiet and relaxed, and once they reached across the table to touch each others’ fingers.

My pregnancy hormone levels have finally decreased to 0. This means we can prepare for the frozen embryo transfer, but June is the clinic’s machine cleaning month, which requires further postponement.

To be sure, it’s pleasant to have time free of hormones, copays, and early morning ultrasounds. Distance from this process gives the semblance of normalcy, albeit one that’s easily shattered.

But this couple reminded of the clinic. Like any workplace, it’s got a particular routine that persists regardless of the patients who cycle in and out. The early morning monitoring, the IUIs, the consults and so on, continue.

I find this horribly disappointing. I want the nurses to inquire about my absence. I want Dr. Stein to be distracted at family dinners because he is contemplating my case. I want his family to grow frustrated with him as a result.

Soon after my friend arrived, the couple got up and left. I was surprised to learn that she was not pregnant, and wasn’t trying to be.

9 Responses to “Cleaning month”

  1. It’s always odd to me when I see people out and about and then recognize them from the RE’s office.

    Hoping you get some good news soon.

    visiting from ICLW

  2. I am always waiting for my friends to announce their pregnancies…ALWAYS…so I understand.
    It does make you wonder how much our RE’s families suffer because of what we are going through…My RE has 6 kids (or more, not sure)…and you know, I know it bothers him deeply when women lose pregnancies or to deal with the frustrations of months or years of trying…how much of that does he take home to his family? Good Post.
    ~Ericka (ICLW)

  3. St. Elsewhere Says:

    I read back your story a bit to find out more.

    I am extremely sorry for your miscarriage.

    Don’t you find it out that the couple DID NOT recognize you? They don’t want the RE connection ever become public.

    Please take care!

    iclw #36

  4. Hi,

    Visiting from ICLW.

    It’s pretty unlikely that I’d see people from my clinic out and about, but I always find it weird when I see people always there on the same days as me. It isn’t that surprising really – we’re probably doing the same treatments and our cycle days are the same, but it always comes as a bit of a surprise. Clearly I’m not that bright!

    My clinic is always really busy, and it came home to me that I’m in no way ‘special’ when my doctor asked me about a trip I had been on the month before – even though I had seen him since then. He had basically near on forgotten he’d seen me!

    ICLW 85

  5. I ran in to someone today that recognized me but I had no idea who she was. Those can be some awkward situations sometimes.

    I hope everything goes well once you jump back in to things.

    Visiting from ICLW!

  6. ICLW

    I get that ‘preparing for a pg announcement’ at all times. I’ve it going on for some friends we are meeting up with tonight, who we haven’t seen for about 6 weeks. Its horrible, isn’t it?

    Yeah I wish my clinic peeps were thinking about me as much as I am thinking about them

    Nicely written little vignette 🙂

  7. Ugh. I so understand the waiting for pregnancy announcements. It’s like the world is conspiring against us.

    Wishing you all the best in your journey.

    Visiting from ICLW

  8. I hope it gets better. The odds never ever to weigh in a fertility patience favor.

  9. It’s so weird seeing people out in public in an out-of-context way. Last night my DH and I went to grab some dinner and a woman (wearing nurse scrubs) kept looking at me and smiling hello. We could not place her (and we’ve seen a lot of nurses), it just hit me, I think she works at my IF clinic. I’m so thankful she didn’t say anything I wouldn’t have realized who she was last night.

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