Cleaning month

Last night at a restaurant I was seated next to a couple I’ve seen in Dr. Stein’s office. The woman is small and androgynous with short spiky hair. The man has a pointy goatee and glasses. They showed no signs of recognizing me.

For a few minutes I sat next to them in silence. I was waiting for a high school friend who I’d not seen in over two years. I was preparing to congratulate my friend on her pregnancy. I had no evidence that she was pregnant, but it seemed like a safe assumption.

While I was waiting, I tried to determine the nature of the couple’s conversation. But my deaf ear was facing them and I sat too close to attempt to read their lips unobtrusively. They seemed quiet and relaxed, and once they reached across the table to touch each others’ fingers.

My pregnancy hormone levels have finally decreased to 0. This means we can prepare for the frozen embryo transfer, but June is the clinic’s machine cleaning month, which requires further postponement.

To be sure, it’s pleasant to have time free of hormones, copays, and early morning ultrasounds. Distance from this process gives the semblance of normalcy, albeit one that’s easily shattered.

But this couple reminded of the clinic. Like any workplace, it’s got a particular routine that persists regardless of the patients who cycle in and out. The early morning monitoring, the IUIs, the consults and so on, continue.

I find this horribly disappointing. I want the nurses to inquire about my absence. I want Dr. Stein to be distracted at family dinners because he is contemplating my case. I want his family to grow frustrated with him as a result.

Soon after my friend arrived, the couple got up and left. I was surprised to learn that she was not pregnant, and wasn’t trying to be.